Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
