I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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