I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
