my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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