I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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