he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
