i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
