I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize