So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
