It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
