I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
