I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
