K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize