I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
