It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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