My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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