This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize