I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
