No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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