NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
