I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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