btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
