Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
