Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
