Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
