Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
