the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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