hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize