Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
