Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dear god my vagina.
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