does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
