I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
