I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
