dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize