so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
