cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
