I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
