Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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