Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
