why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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