I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
