I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
