Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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