the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
