3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize