check it out our google latitudes are spooning
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
