I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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