he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
