if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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