the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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