i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
