remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize