I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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