we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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