Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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