I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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