12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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