It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize