I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
