Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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