does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize