My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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