sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
