I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize