The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
