when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
