Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
