last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
