I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
