but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
